A friend recently posted this cartoon on their Facebook wall. It’s absolutely brilliant – and perfectly describes the way I view the world.
I often see things from multiple perspectives. Decision making is difficult for me because I believe that everyone holds a piece of the “truth” and that things are not as “black and white” (for lack of a better analogy) as people might like them to be. I’ve often joked that I could never be a judge or an elected official because I would have to make decisions – in public. The combination of those things petrifies me.
My daughter identified at a young age that “making decisions” makes her feel trapped. I had never thought about that before, but it absolutely describes how I feel. My daughter is so much wiser than me.
It’s funny, because my tortured decision-making process is probably the biggest source of contention in my quarter-century marriage. As a borderline ENFP/INFP married to a ISTJ, my need to evaluate myriad possibilities in order to make a “perfect” decision inherently clashes with my husband’s desire to complete tasks in a methodical and timely fashion. You don’t want to know how long it took to select the “right” tile for our kitchen backsplash last year.
It’s so hard when there are so many alternatives to contemplate! And that’s just for choosing an inanimate object. Throw in actual other people with thoughts, feelings, biases. The whole thing gets complicated pretty quickly.
American philosopher Ken Wilbur states eloquently –
“I have one major rule: Everybody is right. More specifically, everybody – including me – has some important pieces of the truth, and all of those pieces need to be honored, cherished, and included in a more gracious, spacious and compassionate embrace”.
Over the years I have shed my involvement with people and organizations that possess rigid thinking in favor of those with more expansive and experiential approaches. Among other reasons, my adopted religion of Quakerism appeals to me for this one –
“As we each possess a different perspective, the insights of community members help illuminate additional new approaches to the truth. Friends, therefore, bring our personal revelations to our communities for “clearness” in discerning the truth. The variety of insights within our communities also helps us achieve wholeness and balance.
We come to know truth experientially. The search for truth is more important to us than the maintenance of beliefs, and so we try to remain open to new approaches to the truth.
Our search for truth has further confirmed that ‘way opens’, situations change or circumstances develop, enabling us to find the direction in which to proceed. As we move in that direction, specific steps forward, which were not previously known to us, become apparent”.
This helps me a great deal.
Sometimes all it takes is getting out of our own heads and being open to new information – or seeing old information in a new way. The world would be a much better place if we could embrace (or at least not reject outright) those pieces of truth that differ from our own.
During walks around the perimeter of my town’s beach, I try to clear my head and take in the beauty of the world around me. Sometimes my thoughts are interrupted by the words of other people and I get a bit agitated.
Then I remember the importance of shifting perspective to see things in a different way.
Did you know that in addition to signifying extreme excitement, “woop woop” is also disparaging Australian slang that means “an imaginary remote town or district symbolizing isolation and backwardness”?
It’s all about perspective.
Speaking of which, I am also trying to re-frame my “sucky decision making” ability in the much more positive light of being open-minded and creative.
I feel better just writing that.
You can take the girl out of Jersey 